Disclaimer: My tips are not guaranteed to work in real life. They are merely conclusions drawn from the literature I love to read and are meant to be fun and taken lightly.
First tip right off the cuff: Never insult a girl who reads romance novels. Whether you find them trashy or not, you need to support the literature of her choice. If you don’t she will throw a 1980s rapist alpha hero at you. I don’t imagine the results will be very pretty for you. So do take care.
The second thing you need to know is that every romance novel perpetuates love between the hero and the heroine as an automatic given. He gets the girl after courting her, even if he doesn’t realize he’s courting. He might think of it simply as seduction. And some heroes are just clueless about the whole process.
Romances play off the idea of the soul mate, the one and only and occasionally second chances. Does that mean number two is not as good as number one? No, that’s why the book was written about the second love instead of the first. Where am I going with all of this?
The sizzle of attraction.
I’m not talking about simple ordinary chemistry. I’m talking about potent chemistry. Chemistry that has your entire being screaming (as it did in Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie) “THIS ONE!”
Attraction is the foundation for first contact between leads in romances. If you’re not attracted to her, why are you pursuing her? If she’s not attracted to you, it’s not going to work either.
3 Tips on Being Attractive Without Being Friend Zoned:
- Nearly every romance novel has a condensed relationship. Physical attraction is rapidly pushing both characters toward each other (and I don’t mean just in the sack!) Make your move sooner rather than later. Snails move faster than you.
- Since I’m pulling from romances, I’m going to warn you that this tip is superficial. You guessed it: appearance. Almost every hero is smartly dressed and muscular/fit. Some heroes have chest hair, some have facial hair, some are smooth as a baby’s bottom, but they’re all well groomed. So comb your hair, throw away those shirts with holes, and take a shower.
- Alphas, Betas, Omegas, and Nerds in romances all possess purpose. Being purposeful gives you an aura that is both sexy and attractive. Find what inspires you, makes you happy and psyched without a girl and keep that a vital part of your life. It’s just a bonus if it’s something you and her can share.
Usually by the courtship stage in a romance there are many indicators of interest on both parties (even if they are still refusing to acknowledge it openly) starting with physical cues.
Blushing, stammering, blood racing, eyes gleaming, all these are physical cues which go right back to that potent chemistry I was talking about earlier. Look for these clues in her and yourself. Do you get a buzz from being around each other?
Other indicators are touching, flirting, and kissing. The hero and heroine in a romance novel are always participating in casual touches, banter, and passionate kisses. Some of the most common descriptors for kisses in romance are devastating, intoxicating, slow, deep, and hungry.
It’s the hungry that I would like to take a look at more closely. What does a hungry kiss imply? It implies a few things—the first and foremost a singular craving for the other person. You are dying for a taste. (Back off Edward Cullen, I didn’t mean quite so literally!)
It also indicates that the physical hunger is in part, a manifestation of deeper underlying emotions. Not only is she physically appealing to you, but the inner person is appealing also. (Chocolaty on the outside, crunchy on the inside with just a hint of caramel.)
Be sure to express the pleasure you find with her in every manner possible in both verbal and nonverbal ways.
Declaration of Love and Marriage Proposals.
Heroes of romances always have great lines even if they tank in practice.
Take Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy: “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and adore you.”
Who doesn’t swoon at that? (Well, okay, except for Elizabeth.) Sigh…
Mr. Darcy is the person in front of you in a competition who just wiped the floor with you before you even had a chance. But don’t be disheartened, just because Darcy’s a tough act to follow doesn’t mean you’re completely incapable of making a woman swoon. Like I said earlier, he’s got the lines but his execution left a little to be desired. Darcy’s first proposal to Elizabeth tanked, just as Mr. Thornton tanks his when proposing to Margaret. Don’t know who Mr. Thornton is? Watch and find out:
Conclusion: Don’t be afraid of a shaky dismount, just be sure to stick it. If they can come back from being shot down so completely, you can too.
But the words! How do I find the words?
Of course, all the great lines from heroes are scripted to them by writers, most of them female. We know how tough it is to come up with great lines in the heat of the moment, heck they’re hard to find when you’ve got time to plan them out, and we don’t expect you to hand us the perfectly scripted line. In fact, I’m pretty sure the perfect line will be one that comes to you naturally, even if it’s silly or embarrassing. If it sounds like you we’ll trust it, love it, and accept it.
Though you really can’t go wrong if you stick with, “I love you, please marry me.”