Unanswered Harry Potter Question #18: How Do You Kill a Dementor?

(This article is humorous, not factual.)

The answer can be found in a 1733 Daily Prophet article. I have transcribed and pasted it below for your convenience.

DON’T PANIC, KISS BACK!

Who can suck face with a soul sucker?

Ever since Patilda Azkaban, the architect of the wizarding prison of the same name, discovered how to bargain with Dementors, the magical community could breathe more easily. But giving the Dementors control of Azkaban and its felons was not enough for the Ministry of Magic. They wanted a foolproof way to frighten the unfrightenable—to gain the loyalty of a creature so foul, so twisted, so dark, that they devoted an entire room in the Department of Mysteries to study Dementors.

AND WHAT DID THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES DISCOVER?

It seems that this crazy bid for control of the horrible wicked creatures has paid off, but how likely is the knowledge going to save you, the average witch or wizard who finds themselves attacked by a Dementor?

George Percival, Head of the Department of Mysteries, reports their findings, “Simply put: you kiss it back. If you can do so, it will be unable to take your soul.”

This also explains why it hasn’t been done before, if you ask me. I mean, how many people actually have the presence of mind to kiss a Dementor when it’s right in your face, sucking your soul out?

I urge you, my readers, to contact your Ministry representative and demand that the Department of Mysteries find actionable methods for fighting Dementors.

Pax J. Pearson, Ministry correspondent for the Daily Prophet.

*Update from another article written in 1815: The currently accepted method for fighting a Dementor is the Patronus Charm. It does not kill the Dementor, but it does repulse it giving you time to gather your senses and flee.

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